Can hearts be too big?

I love fall. I love the shedding of the leaves in preparation for winter and the promise that in 7 months they will sprout new leaves.  I love the feeling in the air. Fall feels like I try to live my life – full of happies and joy and kindness. With fall comes the boy scouts selling popcorn and the story of my too big heart.

Exhibit A: A nice young man came around at work selling popcorn. I couldn’t tell him no. He was just so darned polite. Then, two days later, while walking into Safeway the sweetest, politest, cutest little guy I’ve ever seen said to Doug, “Excuse me sir, would you be interested in supporting cub scouts by purchasing some popcorn?” While I heard my husband preparing to say “No thanks” I whisper-shouted “You say yes right now and buy some popcorn right now!” I just couldn’t stand the thought of crushing that sweet little guy’s heart!

I could go on listing all sorts of exhibits to support the story of my heart, but when I write it all out even I have to admit I sound silly. I am the person who buys a sandwich and gives it to the man begging on the street corner. Is it possible he doesn’t need a sandwich and is just trying to get money? Sure, but my heart just won’t let me let it go.

When I see an elderly person loading their groceries into the back of their car, I offer to help. Yeah, I am that annoying girl. When I see someone with special needs feeling lost or confused, I ask them if I can help them. If there is a small child crying because they lost track of Mom, I just can’t walk by and not try to help. That’s right, I’m the creeper you guys are staring at in Safeway.  Helping people.

I cry when I read the e-Woof newsletter and think of a dog who might not get a home on time. I hate when I see people hit squirrels with their cars.  I smile at every person I pass because I like the idea that kindness might help them through whatever battle they may be fighting within themselves. I mostly just try to be like Jesus.

When someone I love is hurting, I hurt with them.  When I introduce my cousins I might as well say they are my siblings because I care about them THAT much. My heart is so big it can just hold that much love for them and some people think I’m just a fruit cake for it. I miss my little brother every day.  I don’t care that we are grown ups, I still wish we could live in the same house and play Mario Kart.  When the hubs works 8 hour shifts opposite of mine, I get lonely.  My heart misses him. When I can’t help, when I can fix, when I can’t patch…my heart literally hurts in my chest. I just can’t help it! I want to find a home for the homeless and food for the starving and help for the helpless.

Someone once told me I wasn’t weird, I was just already a “Mom.” What if they are wrong though? What if my heart is just too big? Is that a real thing? Or what if when I do finally have kids I turn into this super freak because my heart is bursting because it was already so full?!?!