My Imperfections

Envy. Jealousy. Covet.  Lust.  Greed. Bitterness. Resentment.

These are all words that I would strive to never, ever be associated with. However, in my imperfect human form I am ashamed to admit they are things I have been internally struggling with. I don’t outwardly express these emotions when they happen to anyone outside of my Mom, my Dad, my hubs and my BFF. Because, quite frankly, it makes me sound like a whiney wench and I don’t WANT to be that person.

Here is the deal. I am not perfect. So sue me.  I strive towards righteousness and good karma but sometimes, I fall short. I try not to be too hard on myself when it happens – after all we are only just human – but I prefer to focus on my achievements of selflessness, good works, kindness, unconditional love…you know, the things that make me sound like a better person than all those words I listed up top!

BUT….

….as unglamorous as it sounds, I have struggled with them. I hope that we all have in this journey at some point or another had to admit we were human and we make mistakes and we want things we don’t really need and we look at the other side of the fence sometimes and the grass just looks so much greener...

I have a good husband who doesn’t make me feel like an awful person when I express my irrational, unattractive emotions. He loves me for being imperfect and helps me be better every new day.  I have a mother who encourages life experiences without smothering and embraces the mistakes I make as a parent not trying to prevent me from crying, but to ensure I learn a lesson from what made me cry. I have a father who believes in metal being refined and chiseled over time into a beautiful masterpiece….and reminds me I’m just still being molded. I have a friend who knows all the ugly parts of me, calls me on them, helps me face them head on, and still loves me at the very end of every single day despite my imperfections.  She also says things to me like this:

“…The things they have are purely temporary. What you have is eternal and worth so, so much more...”

It’s true…I’d rather have a good heart than a new car. I’d rather have a week full of good deeds than a manicure. I’d rather have to hand wash my dishes in exchange for spending time with my husband than have him working all the time to buy a brand new appliance. I'd rather spend time with people who make me laugh then people who tear me down behind my back. I'd rather use my cracked blackberry that reboots every other day and spend evenings with the hubs than get a second job and buy an iphone.  I just needed reminding.

The thing is…I’m a work in progress…and even on the tough days, I’m enjoying the work.