Ten Reasons I KEEP My Facebook

I recently read an article titled “The Ten Reasons I Deleted my Facebook.”  While it was enlightening and all…I feel like I need to write a rebuttal for the ten reasons I KEEP my Facebook. So clearly I am not a published writer and cannot write an article in a periodical, so alas my free blog will be the place I express my logic for why Facebook is, well, awesome.

1. I’m a busy freaking fool. Facebook is the quickest and easiest way for me to stay in touch with my people.  No lie, half of my Facebook friends are my family, my CLOSE family, I enjoy being able to see their lives for more than just a 3 day family reunion once a year over the 4^th of July. The other 25% are my close friends or people who were once my friends and touched my soul deeply, and the other 25% are my in-laws.  I’m not friends with some girl I knew once in elementary school. Be selective about your friendships, lock your privacy settings up tight, and don’t freak about the whole world stalking you. Trust me, you aren’t that interesting anyway.

2. It is FREE and ELECTIVE. I hear people’s bitching and moaning over how the new layout sucks and seems so materialistic and all that jazz.  Well, it is free and an elective program you choose to participate in. No one forced you to sign up.  If you hate it so much, quit using it. Duh.

3. I can choose to block shit that annoys me.  Over lunch a few weeks ago, a dear friend said how creepy she thought it was that people were writing on the page of a man in a coma.  Ok, yeah, so it’s creepy…a little. Maybe it makes his friends feel better about life. Don’t like it? BLOCK IT.  I hope when I die, my husband, my Mom or my BFF hacks into my Facebook account and updates my status to “Jesus lives, the angels sing heavenly and God is a great cook. The food up here is kick ass.” Blasphemous? Perhaps. Funny? No, not just funny, hysterical! Don’t like it? BLOCK IT!

4. It entertains me to see people take a social forum really meant to stay in touch and express yourself and turn it into a political platform.  I mean honestly, I really laugh a lot when I see such heated debates over politics, religion, social reform….for Pete’s sake people this isn’t the place for these things. Have an intellectual conversation with a real person instead of on Facebook. If you want the opinion of someone far away, email them.  These arguments turn into a disaster, but it’s like my favorite train wreck, I can’t stop reading them.

5. Facebook has helped me find people I had lost track of and really re-connect with them on more than just an “Ayzlynn likes this status” kind of way. A private message with a phone number request and a lunch date later and long lost friendships are quickly restored. That’s pretty bad A if you ask me.

6. When something huge happens in my life, I want people to know, really I do! But I come from a family that on my Dad’s side alone has like 100 people I would need to call! You know how you fix that? Post it on Facebook. That’s right, I called a handful of people when I got engaged but mostly I just posted a photo of my ring with a caption that said, “I said yes!” Sure, I called my parents and siblings but I have so many people I care about that I would have been on the phone for hours calling them all.

7. I’m not an addict. Someone told me that they deleted their Facebook because they would get anxiety if they didn’t log in every day. Um…that isn’t Facebook’s fault, you need some therapy.

8. I don’t use it as a crutch to stop communicating in other ways.  I still call people and chat on the phone. I email. I text.  I visit, you know, like in person. Facebook isn’t forcing you to only maintain your relationship through their website.  Once again, if you use Facebook as an excuse for your failing social skills, get some more therapy.

9. When I go places and I’m the only with a camera, all the people involved can quickly and easily get copies of the photos when I post them on Facebook and tag their sexy asses.  Epic pass.

10. Where else can a person freely express such outrageous sarcasm and overwhelming wittiness? Except, maybe, a blog….