Sometimes, Time Just Gets to Me

I have these moments in my life, when time stands still and I feel like everything is right in the world.  At night, when my husband's arm is wrapped securely around me and I can hear the steady sounds of his breathing, I can hear the heater kicking on to keep us warm, I can hear the house creek in the wind as it keeps us safe, I can hear the jingle of the tags on the dogs' collars, I can hear the purr of the cats and the soft sound of my own breath trying not to disturb any of it...that moment used to be one of my favorites. It is so highly treasured. It stands for so much. It is peace. Yet, here I sit, with the passing of another year, and that moment I so treasure on this particular night turned to one I dread.

In that quiet moment at night my mind was plagued with the suffocating sense of time.  I just turned twenty-seven. TWENTY-SEVEN!  Shouldn't my night be less peaceful? I worry sometimes that at night I should hear this:

I worry that in the day time I should be driving this:

I worry so much that I am not yet doing this:

Only English, I hate math.

I get stressed about the fact that I don't live in one of these:

I sometimes so wish I was a Mom doing this:

This birthday really freaked me out for some reason. I don't know why, it wasn't 30.  It isn't a huge deal, it's just the overwhelming sense, the feeling of the passing of time, the suffocating realization that life didn't go as I planned and I worry so much about what that will mean for my future. Today, though, I saw a quote that changed my fears.

"Consider Jacob’s virtual unawareness of time as he worked seven years for Rachel, as recorded in Genesis 29:20. “And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.” Beautiful! We mortals are so trapped in this dimension of time. It is not our natural element. We wear it like an ill-fitting suit of clothes, and we wish to hasten its passage on occasion. We also want to hold back the dawn on other occasions. We are not at home with time because we belong to eternity. In the moments when we are true and at our best, we have the experience of timelessness which Jacob had." (Neal A. Maxwell)

Today, I was grateful to turn this many:

And participate in this tradition:

Then I remembered I waited a long time, but I did this the right way:


I got married in the temple.



I remembered I didn't have babies as a teenager or get married when I was still a child myself or buy a house and enter into huge amounts of debt because I was busy doing all of this:



I played in the ocean.



I witnessed miracles.

I learned the love and bond of a mother with her children.





I went to concerts.



I saw where dreams come true.



I watched my best friend graduate college.



I built a lasting relationship with my father.



I made lasting friendships.



I watched Tebow play, and WIN, live.



I ate at fancy restaurants.



I went to fancy theatre.



I made time for this woman in my life.



I never let this relationship lack, ever.



I have seen beauties most eyes only wonder about.



I Tebowed in front of Cafe du Monde.



I took a cruise.



I swam with a dolphin.



I held a baby sea turtle.

So I'm not a Mom yet. I don't drive a minivan and I don't kiss babies to sleep at night.  I don't live in fancy home and I don't have a masters degree.  I don't have stocks. What I have done is live a full life. What I have done is learned lessons no amount of early marriage or parenting could have taught me. What I have done is refine myself into being the person I WANT to be, a person I am damned proud of.  What I have done is choose a man who won't falter in this life, ever.  What I have done is gained work experience and built a 401K.  What I have done is LIVE. Why stop now? What's the rush? I have eternity...