For My Grandpa

This week my grandfather survived his sixth, yes I said SIXTH, heart attack.  Medically speaking, it’s a miracle that with the restraints of the DNR, he made it through another episode at the ripe old age of 88.  Leroy is one tough son’of’a’buck.  He’s tired though, tired of this life, of growing old, of fighting his own body, of holding the legacy of this entire family on his shoulders.  Tired…tired he says and just ready to move from this life to the next, where his youthful good looks and capable body will be restored.

No one knows when the day will come that they will actually lose their grandparents.  Grandpa may have another 10 years in him for all we know, but he also very well may go to sleep tonight and not wake in the morning.

I have prepared myself for this moment for the past 5 years as his health has declined.  As I frequently write on this blog, I visit often and cherish every minute I spend with them, capturing pictures and writing down each new bit of information I learn.  Like about how he hot rodded on the top of the great wall of China in a Marine issued Jeep….

The thought of losing him in this life devastates me, and whenever the day does come that he slips to the next chapter, I will be the biggest ball of tears around. However, he has taught, he has loved, he has cherished, he has procured and cultivated and shaped his family into one of the strongest inheritances I have ever known.

So while I beg you to wait Grandpa, wait to see my first born, wait to see me publish a book, wait to see your first great-great grandchild, I know that those wishes are mine, not yours. Those wishes are selfish, not selfless. So because you taught me with all your might to be selfless, I will instead tell you that I STILL beg you stay, but in the same breath, I reassure you that if you must leave, do it knowing that you harvested a great many, wonderful people to carry on your heritage.

We’ve got this.

We will cry and our hearts will hurt and we will seek comfort in the knowledge and belief that families are forever. We will suffer immense loss. But because of you and what you have taught us…

We’ve got this.