How Much Time, Is Enough Time?

Photo Courtesy of Douglas Hammond

As we gathered in the Big Horn Mountains for the umpteenth time over the 4^th of July for our annual Shoopman Family Camp, I asked myself this question over and over and over again.  Why does it still hurt so much? Is it too soon? Would emotions still be running high? Will this even be enjoyable? With my firm belief in life after death, shouldn’t the pain have passed by now?

How much time is enough time?

My conclusion is one of hope. There is no such thing as enough time to “get over” the loss of a loved one to death because we aren’t meant to get over it. We are meant to look forward to a time we are reunited with them again, and that is far different than getting over it.

I would be lying if I said it wasn’t different, because it was.

I would be lying if I said people laughed just as hard, because they didn’t.

I would be lying if I said the pain wasn’t still really raw, because it really, really was.

But we went.  We felt cool mountain air cut through sleeping bags in the early dawn of the day.  We gathered for meals and games and competitions, and in the moments we immersed ourselves in one another, we laughed until we cried. We loved. We remembered. We honored.

We fished.

We hiked.

We saw moose. And birds. And bugs. And flowers. And endless evidence of the circle of life.

We all spent a little bit more time alone.  I can’t tell you how many family members I watched taking a walk on their own, turning their face towards the sky, letting the sun warm them, and I knew – I knew they were feeling them, they were letting their love surround them , they were reaching for their memories.

I clung to younger kids, remembering how much joy they found in children. I built forts. I rode 4-wheelers and Razors and hiked and played.  I listened to excited screams of “Auntie Ayz, come look!” and reveled in the sleepy, whispered words of, “You are my favorite.”

I lived a legacy. I remembered the love I have for them, and felt their love back tenfold more surrounded by those mountains than any other place I have been since they left.

And I looked to the night sky. And I saw two pairs of eyes in the stars. And I felt their approval. And I felt their love.

“Well done.”