For My Grandpa

This week my grandfather survived his sixth, yes I said SIXTH, heart attack.  Medically speaking, it’s a miracle that with the restraints of the DNR, he made it through another episode at the ripe old age of 88.  Leroy is one tough son’of’a’buck.  He’s tired though, tired of this life, of growing old, of fighting his own body, of holding the legacy of this entire family on his shoulders.  Tired…tired he says and just ready to move from this life to the next, where his youthful good looks and capable body will be restored.

No one knows when the day will come that they will actually lose their grandparents.  Grandpa may have another 10 years in him for all we know, but he also very well may go to sleep tonight and not wake in the morning.

I have prepared myself for this moment for the past 5 years as his health has declined.  As I frequently write on this blog, I visit often and cherish every minute I spend with them, capturing pictures and writing down each new bit of information I learn.  Like about how he hot rodded on the top of the great wall of China in a Marine issued Jeep….

The thought of losing him in this life devastates me, and whenever the day does come that he slips to the next chapter, I will be the biggest ball of tears around. However, he has taught, he has loved, he has cherished, he has procured and cultivated and shaped his family into one of the strongest inheritances I have ever known.

So while I beg you to wait Grandpa, wait to see my first born, wait to see me publish a book, wait to see your first great-great grandchild, I know that those wishes are mine, not yours. Those wishes are selfish, not selfless. So because you taught me with all your might to be selfless, I will instead tell you that I STILL beg you stay, but in the same breath, I reassure you that if you must leave, do it knowing that you harvested a great many, wonderful people to carry on your heritage.

We’ve got this.

We will cry and our hearts will hurt and we will seek comfort in the knowledge and belief that families are forever. We will suffer immense loss. But because of you and what you have taught us…

We’ve got this.

For you, B

I remember moving to Laramie, I remember the horrification of a new high school so close to graduation and I remember feeling convinced that there was no chance I would make a lasting friendship, fit in or even enjoy this place.  The building was old.  The people were cliquish and my heart was broken over the new challenge in my life.

Laramie surprised me though.  I made acquaintances, I survived, I actually even THRIVED.  More surprising yet, I made friends.  Some that didn’t last and a few select handful that not only lasted, but became integral in my survival, key in my identity and necessary for my journey into adulthood.  Of those friends, I was a bridesmaid for one and two were bridesmaids for me.  Who knew, right?

Time and distance separated us – as is par for the course in life.  I stayed in this sleepy town while one of my best girls set out on a life for adventure, time in Florida, time back home and finally settling in a city far larger than this one a few hours south. She has been a rock in my life, we have nursed heartaches and cursed bad break-ups and danced late into the night and participated in crazy nights and endless fun shenanigans.  In fact, she was the last person I saw literally minutes before The Hubs got on one knee and the first call I made after my parents to shriek with delight about my new ring.

I have been blessed by her fierce loyalty and love her so, so much.  I smile and marvel at the pictures of us in formals for senior prom hanging side by side with the picture of us in formals – nearly a decade later – at my wedding.  I have a lot of great people in my corner, but through the many changes in my life, my stupid decisions, my good decisions, my tough decisions – she never faltered, she never left, she never judged.

I want great things for her. I want her happiness.  I miss her like crazy and I pray for her regularly.  This weekend, the love of her life proposed to her and they will began the crazy journey of planning a wedding, engagement parties, bridal showers, tuxedo shopping and dress fittings. I am thrilled for her. If anyone has worked harder and is more deserving of this, I don’t know them.

Happy Engagement, B.  I love you and I am so, so incredibly happy for you.