There is this thing on Instagram that is trending lately – “Throw Back Thursday” – with all sorts of different hash tags…#tbt #throwbackthursday #throwbackthurs….and the list goes on and on. I dabble in this weekly tradition, but more like on a monthly basis. It seems to always be quite the affair when I #tbt. I think the problem is I take it too seriously. I can’t just throwback to a picture of my wedding or my childhood without being immersed by the memories of the day, the smells of the day, and the emotions of my heart in that moment of my existence.
See? I told you I take it too seriously.
Today, I sought out this picture with a specific purpose for my trip to memory lane. I love my baby brother. He is so busy and I really am so proud of the man he is, the career he is building himself, the character he develops daily and the incredible living of life he is doing. It’s just that…this growing up thing…it leaves less and less time for spontaneous softball games. It robs us from the privilege of sharing a roof, or even sharing the same town. Adulthood stole the spontaneity of backyard BBQ and late-night arm wrestling. The double digits took away the lava (carpet) and rocks (pillows) of our living room. Adolescence took away the adoration of one another and was replaced briefly with football, girls, trucks, video games, motorcycles...and college developed us into such independent beings.
Growing up was necessary. I never wish to be a child again (or that awkward teenager, that sucks). Hardships and blessings strengthened the bond my baby brother and I share, and maturing brought those lessons to us. Adulthood gifted us with the experience under our belts to cultivate fierce loyalty and unconditional love.
My heart never hurts for these things. It is the circle of life, it is what we do, we grow into adults with the hope that someday we will make valuable contributions to our families, to our society, to this world. To say I long for those years when we were in one another’s back pockets would be a disservice to where we have gone in our lives: worlds apart, both exponentially happy with the lives we have created, strong, smart, independent, well-educated, kind, learned, compassionate individuals. I won’t discredit these lives we both worked so hard for.
What I will do instead is say that on this “Throw Back Thursday,” my heart finds peace in the memories of a simpler time. A time before being grown-up ruled our decision making, a time before we knew how big the world was, a time of immense laughter, flower planting, name carving, Mario Kart racing, gun shooting, hiking, mountain driving, movie watching, careless road tripping, pool-playing, softball throwing. A time of reckless abandon, impulsive decision-making and memory-creating youth. That time…that time overflows my buckets and the juices of life runneth over.
