If You're Happy And You Know It

I don’t blog nearly as often as I used to. There are no grand excuses other than the one truth of my life: I flat out don’t have time. I am so busy, and between trying to keep up on my personal journal, my job, my school, my life in general, I just run out of time to blog.  The draw though, it is there.  I feel it humming like a magnet in the deepest part of my bones as I struggle against the pull to fulfill my other responsibilities.  The polarity always wins, in time, and I find myself back here. Maybe something touched me so profoundly I needed to share it. Maybe I had a fabulous birthday. Maybe it is something big enough I need my family from all around the world to know about it.  Maybe the writer inside of me starts to overflow and force itself out of every orifice in my body until I feel like I am going to burst into a million pieces, dripping with the wasted talent harbored in my arthritic fingers.  Whatever the reason, the pull is always victorious.  Today, the pull is winning.

I was recently exposed to the idea that all good writers are ones who write about pain, about fear, about the creepy unknown, the aloneness of nature, etc.  They dedicated an entire era of literature to this, we call it Romanticism. And while I would agree some of the best pieces of literature I have ever read come from those emotions, I would argue that a happy writer can produce just as effective work.  Robert Frost wrote this poem called “Out, Out –” that destroyed my illusions about early 19^th century farming America. Arguably one of the best artifacts in his museum of writing, the poem satisfies the idea that pain and hurt produce the best work.  Conversely, he wrote another poem entitled “A Prayer in Spring” full of beauty and nature in the most cheerful season it has to offer.  Both are powerful: One about pain and harsh realities, another about new beginnings and pure love, and yet both move readers, both inspire scholars, both hold a place in one of the most prized museums of written word in the world.

So why? Step outside of romance, outside of heartbreak and heartache, step away from fear – what moves you outside of those things? What I have learned is that the happy things that move me, the things that jerk my entire being into the awareness that I live a gorgeously, beautiful life are more sacred. I want them for my own. I want the memories only in my heart. Thusly, I don’t share them as quickly. Selfish right?

I am making a movement to stop that.  I am challenging any other writer who might read this and suffer the same tendencies in the literature they chose to read or write to open their mind to some pleasant ideas.

It would embarrass him, so I won’t do it, but I could write an entire blog about how it feels when my little brother dances with me in my kitchen. It calls up memories of learning to dance in the kitchen in our youth, the way dancing has always brought joy to our family, and the perfect recollection of dancing with him at my wedding: the tears I cried, the words he spoke as I started an exciting new chapter, the pride in his voice.  And all that from 30 seconds of swing dance to an old George Straight song on the radio. The inspiration I received in this moment lead to 3 pages of personal journal writing.  Pure happiness, and some of my best work resulted from it.

I went camping with my husband this summer. It was wonderful.  We saw a moose that was so close to us we could make out the snot dripping from his nostrils in the early morning air.  I think about that morning, and I taste the campfire biscuits and gravy in my mouth. I feel the warm sun at 10,000 feet beating down on my back, and I feel the cooling rush of the breeze as it rushes through the Pine Trees, down to the river bank, across the road and into the Aspens, rustling the leaves and creating a symphony in nature greater than anything Bach ever composed. I feel the gentle pressure of his hand in the small of my back as he gains my attention and points out a young buck deer on the opposite side of the moose, but equally close.  I hear the sound of the camera shutter. I feel the effects of a smile creeping up my face and as he stares into my eyes, and I know that my eyes are doing that sparkling thing he loves so much that is achieved only in moments of complete, encompassing bliss.  Those moments took up less than a minute of my time, but they inspired hours, and hours, and hours of happy, joyful, quality writing.

So step away.  Of course I have created works of art in moments of pain, of fear, in the depths of a trial.  But I have also, with far much joy in my life, created works of art when my heart beat full of the kind of deep, red, happy blood it only bleeds when you are consumed by delight and suffocated with blissful glee.  Feel it, let it cultivate the artist inside of you, let it consume you.  You just might be surprised with yourself.

Here is an artist’s rendering of one of the most joyful moments of my life: drinking my favorite {virgin} morning cocktail, breakfasting at one of my favorite eateries, in the company of one of my absolute favorite people, laughing from the depths of my guts, and storing it all away in my memory bank of happiness.

 

The Day I Turned 29

Every single day I live moving forward is a day in which I close in on the big 3-0. But lets not dwell on that. Lets instead dwell on the awesomeness of the day I turned 29!  My marvelous husband send me the above bouquet of flowers. One of the things I love best about when he sends me flowers is that they always include a handwritten note from him. This means he takes the time to go to the flower shop and write a note for me to be delivered, when it would probably have been easier and more convenient to just type it online. I love how thoughtful this extra step is! I also walked into work to find this on my desk to start off my presents in the morning.

Judge me if you must, but I love this show.  I don't care about all the controversy surrounding it, the show is still one of my absolute greatest guilty pleasures.  Happy, happy, happy.  

My day progressed like any other regular day.  My birthday fell on a Tuesday, which is one of my absolute busiest days of the week, and I am on campus from 7 am until 7 pm. My Mama and Doug took me out to dinner and my Mom gave me these stunning flowers.  It was nice to have my desk smelling and looking like spring when it was frigid outside!

I don't have a picture of it, but my mother-in-law also sent me the most adorable cardigan you've ever seen. From my Pops and family on the Riverton front, I received a birthday in a package complete with confetti, balloons, candy, and a movie called "Storm Rider" that everyone who has ever loved a horse should watch. I received special gifts from friends: books, candles, perfume, a personalized mug, and a beautiful daisy plant. I received multiple phone calls and text messages from my loved ones.  My blessings were abundant and I have never been so reminded of how very loved I am.

My final present that night from my husband was a new pair of yoga pants. I never go out on public in my sweatpants.  Well, almost never. BUT boy do I love wearing some yoga pants around the house! AND they are UW - what more could a girl ask for? Also, notice the old man wiener dog in the corner of the picture, he is a diva.

 

My night ended with an early to bed evening as I had to be up and back at by 5:30 the next day.  Getting older only sucks because there are no party hats, noise makers, cake, or sleep ins! I felt so lucky on my birthday to have the husband I have, the parents I have, the siblings I have, the family I have, and the friends I have. I went to sleep peacefully, content, and with a full heart. Little did I know the fun wouldn't be stopping there!  The day after my birthday, another gift arrived!

 

My husband indulges my admiration of Peyton, and I love him for it. I was so excited to get this sweatshirt.  A few more days passed, and just when I thought for certain the fun was done, Doug surprised me with one last gift.  Something I coveted but flew off the shelves so fast it was just impossible to buy. Yet, he found it, he bought, and he sealed my 29th year with a kiss, with immense happiness, with profound insight and care for his wife, and he reminded me that I don't care how old I get, as long as he is by my side. Happy Birthday to me. A special shout out to Douglas for making my day so special, and to all the family and friends who helped along the way. I love you all!

The crowning glory of my birthday gifts!!!

 

GRADUATION

What a whirlwind this last month has been! Douggie’s graduation was a wild success, and it’s hard to believe that all that hard work and anticipation led up to a moment that was over with the blink of an eye.  We will never be able to express what it meant to have the support we had, the friends, the family, the encouragers along the way. I’m so proud of him for such an amazing accomplishment.

The weekend kicked off with an exciting surprise, Cole and Amanda made the trip all the way from Miami to celebrate with us on this special day.  Doug thought we were posing for a picture, but his Mom was recording the surprise.

After everyone was done swimming, we went home for what should have been a night of resting up to prepare for the big day, but instead the boys spent the evening doing this:

Saturday was a wonderful day full of celebration and laughter.  We had breakfast at the hotel where our family was staying and then we went to commencement.  What an exciting moment this was for us!!

You may notice that in some of these photos I am wearing a stole much like the one Douglas is wearing.  Why you might ask? Well, because my husband likes to make me cry. Ok, ok, that’s not the reason. The real reason is because of the tradition of the “Stole of Gratitude.” The story (according to the legend) goes something like this… “After the ceremony, the new graduate presents the stole to someone who provided extraordinary help or support, who has helped with wisdom, words of support, or with financial assistance. Immediately after graduation, the graduate may take the stole from around his/her neck and place it around the neck of the recipient.”  This tradition was new to me, but receiving such a precious gift from Douglas made my heart burst. This day was not about me, it was about him, but it is such an amazingly peacefully knowledge to know that my marriage is a true partnership, and as he said to me that day, we share not only the bad times, but also the good.

Saturday afternoon between graduation and the party, everyone gathered at our house for more good times.

The party was a wild success, the food was great and the venue was just perfect.

If you participated in sending a video to me ahead of time, I surprised Doug with a slide show presentation at the party and it meant so much to him to see his friends and family from afar congratulating him.

As everyone parted their separate ways for home, our lives slowly began to slow down and resume back to normal.  Finals have finally ended and after we enjoy some down time for the holiday, The Hubs will start vigorously job searching.

Thank you again, to all those who came from near and far, to celebrate this happy and momentous occasion in our lives.

It's The Simple Things

I avoided the gratitude challenge this year. I felt like I have enough going on in my life that I just didn’t want the added pressure of an eloquently written Facebook status every single night.  I have enjoyed reading other reasons for gratitude all month, but I also noticed that a lot of people didn’t mention any of the simple things in life.  So I challenged myself to think of 30 simple things in life that I wouldn't want to live without.  It was harder than I thought to keep is basic!

 

1 - Candles, but only the delicious smelling kind.

 

2 - Online shopping and shipping right to your door.  Seriously, I'd buy groceries that way if I could.

 

3 - Indoor plumbling and all that it entails, including but not limited to: hot water, Toilet paper, and daily showers.

 

4 - Mechanics to fix broken cars.

 

5 - The smell of a new book.

 

6 -  Surprises because the feeling of excitement is unbeatable.

 

7 - Pictures because I love to remember.

 

8 - Bleach, because, gross, germs.

 

9 - Cows, because, steak.

 

10 - Writing, journaling, blogging: whatever form it takes, it is my best form of personal reflection.

 

11 - Bills because it means I have a job to pay them.

 

12 - Underpants...I mean think about life without them.

 

13 - Kleenex, what a fantastic invention.

 

14 - The smell of a wood burning stove, the way it just smells cozy.

 

15 - Cream cheese, it is simply the most amazing food invented.  Well, mabye except for number 16.

 

16 - Bacon. See above.

 

17 - Headphones, so I can jam shamelessly to music I would otherwise pretend I don't listen to.

 

18 - Food storage, to get us through times when we need mechanics.

 

19 - On that note, the fact that we even need mechanics, because it means we have cars, which are so much convenient than driving a tem of jack asses across the state.  So, cars.

 

20 - Cell phones.  I mean I know something people let them consume them (I, myself, am guilty of this on occasion) but honestly, what a flipping fabulous invention to live with when my best friends and family are spread out across the country.

 

21 - Toothbrushes and toothpaste, they make chatting with people so much more enjoyable.

 

22 - Deodorant, for the same reason.

 

23 - My faith.

 

24 - Clothes, thank goodness we don't wear loin cloths anymore.

 

25 - Disposable diapers.  I don't use them because my loins have not yet begat an heir, but someday I will be happy they exist.

 

26 - Diet Coke.  Even if it is slowly killing me.

 

27 - Warm, fluffy, soft blankets.

 

28 - The gift of silence.

 

29 - Conversely, the figt of uproarious laughter.

 

30 - My husband.  You're right, he isn't such a simple thing to be grateful for, but simply put, he is the thing I am most grateful for. 

10 Things You Never Knew About ME!

I’m extending my Facebook life to my blog for the moment. I am incapable of telling things in a short, concise way. I love words too much. So I liked multiple of these “Things You Don’t Know About Me” lists, and then proceeded to ignore the numbers people gave me. I figured I would finally hop on the bandwagon though because it has been fun for me to read other people’s facts. I got all sorts of numbers from 21 to 7 to 14 to 2 so I am splitting the difference and doing 10!

1) Everyone keeps telling me that I will feel the need to have a baby as I age, but it is actually working in the opposite direction for me. The older I get, the less I want a baby. The older I get, the happier I get, the more content with my life, the closer to my husband I grow, and I know nothing of this biological clock that people speak of.

2) I have about one handful of actual, really close friends.  I have a lot of friends, but I took it to heart once when I read that it was more important to have a small, reliable circle than a large, flakey circle. Plus, my family is so huge that through my cousins, I have countless amounts of friends and support.

3) I have many, many treasured Christmas memories, but my absolute favorite holiday was last year when we decided to forgo buying gifts, cooking big dinners, and the stress of creating the perfect holiday, and instead took a vacation.  What I learned was that TIME was the absolute best gift we can give our loved ones. Time away from the world, with no cell phones, no computers, no distractions, but rather glorious sun, a beautiful ocean, constant laughter, and conversations to renew connections established so many years ago we’d forgotten them.  I would spend every holiday in my life like that one.

4) I absolutely hate how cliché this sounds, so I don’t say it often, but I didn’t know what real, true, healthy love felt like until My Douggie came into my life.

5) I love to visit.  Not in the travel and go somewhere to spend time with you sense, but in the sit down, let an entire afternoon pass us by, engage in non-stop hours of chatting kind of visit.

6) I legitimately ponder on a fairly regular basis (any time I see one) why “selfies” are the most flattering photos. Anyone?

7) I have a burning desire to learn how to crochet. Or knit. Because I don’t know the difference. But I would like to make wonderful, glorious Afghans for cozying up in.

8) I love a good scandal or conspiracy theory, but only when it doesn’t directly touch or threaten my life. I suppose it’s a shameful thing to admit! The bunker under DIA, Area 51, The Royals possibly arranging Princess Di’s car “accident,” the list goes on and on!

9) I never, ever know lyrics to songs. I think I know them, I sing them, and then I am always, always wrong.  For example, the line goes, “I love rock and roll, so put another dime and in the juke box baby.” I sing, “I love rock and roll, so shake and wiggle to the hip hop baby.” This entire statement is invalid when referring to Eminem: my guilty pleasure. I am not joking when I tell you I can rap every word right along with him.  Less than a handful of people have heard me spitting rhymes, but they are a lucky few!

10) I desperately want to move to The South.  My husband would rather die, but Georgia, North Carolina, Tennessee, Alabama…they’re calling my name!!!

We're Planning a Party!

My husband likes to tell people he has been in school for 6 years. I like to correct him and tell people he has been in this town for 6 years, but certainly not focused on school for that long.  He took a semester off. He took a year of only taking one class each semester. He worked full time. He paid for things on his own, and because he went that route, it took a little longer to make the progress on his education he wanted.

The first year we were married, he went part time and worked full time, and after that year we made this huge decision for him to just quit his job, go to school full time, and get finished in two years.  It was terrifying. We had reservations. How would we live on my measly income? How would we make it on our own? Would he be successful at school? Alas, after many nights of weighing pros and cons, praying heavily, and planning for the future, a letter of resignation was written and 18 credit hours were registered for.

I remember that night, feeling like two years was going to be so long.  I remember how certainly I knew that the sacrifice would be worth it in the end. I also remember how certainly I knew that these next two years would take forever.  Yet, here we are.  Those two years have passed in the blink of an eye. Not only did we survive it when we cut our income in half, we thrived.  Douglas didn’t just endure the full time schedule at school, he excelled in it. We became stronger, more educated, closer, and happier than ever before.

And here we are.  Literally a month away from graduation and our 3 year wedding anniversary, filled with joy and a sense of accomplishment that we did this. Pride that HE did this. It’s all downhill from here, folks.

Congratulations to the man I love more than anything I’ve ever loved in this world. You have 17 more days of class.  I said 17.  Remember when this felt like a lifetime away?

Don't Hate, but I Just Love Football

This started out as a Facebook status, but it got too big and turned into a blog.  Let me preface this by saying we ALL have guilty pleasures.  Mine is football.  College, professional, even high school – I love football.  I immerse myself in a world full of stress. I live by bottom lines, numbers, deadlines, due dates, federal regulations, and zero bending room at my job.  I strive for success in academia and spend countless hours researching, reading, writing, and evaluating.  Some people detox from daily life with shopping. Some people detox with eating delicious foods. Some people detox with their children, a hike in the mountains, a walk with their dog – but I detox every fall when there is football all around me, and I am not ashamed. In fact, I don’t judge other guilty pleasures because I know that MY guilty pleasure is easily judged.

So here I am, in the heart of football season, with a weekend of football coming up I can’t wait for.  The UW Cowboys are taking on CSU for the Border War and battle of the boot – which is just always my favorite game of the season.  Not because they are such intense rivalries, but because in that game, you see more young men playing with heart than any other game of the season. They play with more grit, more determination, more admirable sportsmanship than ever before, and whether or not we keep the boot this year, Saturday is a day I am very much looking forward to.

A day that will be followed on Sunday with what promises to be one of the most epic days of all time in professional football: Ladies and Gentleman, Peyton is going home.

THIS promo teared me up!

Let me tell you something about my love for football. I don’t cheer for particular teams. I cheer for players. I cheer for good players who live their lives upstanding on and off the field, because like it or not, there are a lot of people looking up to these over-paid athletes.  That’s right, I said over-paid, over-idolized, over-rated and I think all those things, but it doesn’t change the love I have for the game. For instance, I am THRILLED by Alex Smith’s success at KC – San Fran did him dirty and I love the giant message he is sending with that 6-0 record.  RGIII’s rough start this season? I think the jerk deserved it, since he went all Prima Donna about his “comeback” after an injury and called his coach out for “not handling it properly.”  He wanted the red carpet, but I have news for him, his crap stinks just like the rest of us.  If they didn’t roll out a welcome committee for Brady’s return after knee surgery, they sure as hell aren’t going to for a rookie quarter back.

Not the point though, the point is, Peyton is coming HOME! While many people assume I hopped some sort of bandwagon, let me clear about a few things.  First, during his time in Indy, I followed the Colts obsessively. Second, through our terrible time with Orton, our Hail Mary with Tebow, and into the Manning era, I have cheered for the Broncos – Champ Bailey is one of the best, Decker is something special AND Unrein plays for them – so how can I not follow a team that drafted one of my beloved former UW Cowboys?  Peyton though, Peyton is who I learned about football on.  During his days in Tennessee, when I was a little girl, my Dad taught me about football through his career.  He told me that boy would grow up to be an NFL great, and he was right. In my opinion he grew up to be THE NFL great.

So he is coming home.  And Sunday night, I will sit and watch the game wearing an orange Jersey with the number 18 plastered on the back, and a set of Colt’s Mardi Gras beads around my neck…and I will hope, with all my might, that Peyton sends a message to Irsay in the number on the scoreboard, because we all know that he is far too classy to send a message with words. Far too humble. Far too grounded.  That behavior is beneath him. And THAT is why he is a great: next to passing yards, TD’s, winning seasons, and blasting out stats that are breaking records – he is a good person, an honest player, a family man, and on Sunday when I am listening to whistles, the crashing of helmets, and the screaming of fans, what I will really be hearing in my mind is. “Hurry, hurry!” and “Omaha” and to quote a line from the below article, I will remember I am cheering for a man who says things like this: "But you have to have peace with circumstances that come your way that aren't your choice. You better have a good attitude about it and find some peace and contentment in it…”

Ever listened to Luck’s comments during the game on one of the specials when they have him microphoned? He has the same heart. Good luck, kid, Peyton is you in 15 years.

No matter what the score at the end of Sunday’s football game, it will be the closure we all need, the Indy fans, the Broncos fans, Peyton…no matter how ridiculous it may sound to you, I am emotional over it, and I cant wait.

AND just in case you care as much as I do?

Read THIS article!